


we’ll pretend we’ve got that much

by arashiyama (harukatenoh)



Category: World Trigger
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 21:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/arashiyama
Summary: Jin finds out he is going to die. He breaks the news to Arashiyama. People say having farsight is dreadfully unfair for anybody who faces up against Jin, but Jin thinks that it's the most unfair for him.





	we’ll pretend we’ve got that much

**Author's Note:**

> i have been extremely miserable today. this misery has come to life in the form of this fic.
> 
> fic title is from the loose ends will make knots by stars

Jin looked in the mirror. Steeled himself, an action he was not used to because he had never needed to do it before. It was strange, preparing himself for an event of which he did not know the outcome. He breathed in deeply. It was only practice. This was strange too; he was used to experiencing events several times, but he had never put himself into the picture this way until today.

“I am going to die.” Jin said, loud and clear into the room.

The footsteps that Jin did not realize were there drew to a stop. Jin registered them as Arashiyama’s. He must have come home early. Jin would usually know, but he hadn’t looked into Arashiyama’s future today. An act of cowardice on Jin’s part, he admitted.

He turned, greeting Arashiyama standing in the doorway with a smile.

“We’re all going to die.” Arashiyama responded. It was a last-ditch attempt at optimism; as expected of Arashiyama, ever the optimist. Jin could tell that Arashiyama knew. He knew that when Jin said _I am going to die_ , he did not mean it in the _we all die one day_ kind of sense.

His expression was not quite surprised, not quite pained, not quite sympathetic. In fact, the best way to describe it was simply that. Not quite. A not quite expression, the sort people got when their minds were not quite present in the conversation.

When Arashiyama’s face reassembled into a something instead of a not quite something—promptly and rapidly, because Arashiyama was an expert in keeping it together—he was smiling. A smile that had an air of resignation, of adoration, of plain unstated fear.

The fear was somehow the easiest for Jin to stomach. It was ridiculously unfair.

“You shouldn’t have found out this way.” Jin said. Arashiyama shook his head, taking the few steps needed to close the distance between them. And how easily he did it, hands reaching out to Jin, gaze crossing the room to land on Jin.

“You didn’t know I was coming?” Arashiyama asked, brushing aside Jin’s guilt with the change in topic.

“I didn’t want to know how the conversation turned out.” Jin replied, voice low and painfully honest. He realized how ridiculous he sounded as soon as the words were out and in the air, and he was already working to amend his mistakes, to minimize his regrets. “Which was very unfair of me,” he cut in before Arashiyama could say some absurdly lovely comment and unjustly absolve Jin of his fault, “and I should’ve planned this better, and I’m sorry.”

Arashiyama shook his head again. His hands found Jin’s and Jin was not above clinging to them, a little desperately. Arashiyama returned the force, which assuaged Jin’s fears a little. They were both a little desperate. It was understandable.

“You don’t have to plan everything out. You don’t have to bear the burden of making sure everything goes well. It’s okay for things to just happen.”

Jin cracked a smile, probably rather unconvincing.

“And if they just happen, and it turns out badly?” It would turn out badly. This—confession, this disclosure, was always going to turn out badly. This entire situation, from the beginning of their relationship to the quickly oncoming end, was always going to turn out badly. In all honesty, Jin’s life had always been on track to turn out badly. There was no other way for the cards to fall.

“We’ll figure it out.” Arashiyama promised, ever steadfast. Jin believed him, more than he would like. Jin felt like if he had just been stabbed through the heart, and Arashiyama told Jin he would be okay, the power of his belief would pull the seams of the cursed organ together all on its own.

Jin thought of the ways they could work around this. Make some kind of cheesy _things to do before you die_ bucket list. Thrillseek and do illegal but harmless acts like breaking into school at night. Spend as many waking moments as they possibly could around each other. Go on, like they had been before. Should they be making memories, or feigning normalcy?

Each option lead to the same ending. It didn’t really matter. Jin was going to die, and he bet if he looked a little deeply into Arashiyama’s future he could see whether he cried at the funeral or not. Jin sort of hoped he would, just because Arashiyama had an awful habit of always putting up a strong front. Jin sort of hoped he wouldn’t, because he wanted to envision a future where Arashiyama was okay enough to not cry at his funeral. He didn’t look, of course. That future was not his to pry at. It was one away from him, one removed from him and he wanted to leave it untouched.

“Jin,” Arashiyama said softly and Jin halted all morbid thoughts about the once far away, now dizzyingly close future where he did not exist anymore. He had the present. If he spent all the time he had left worrying about what was to come instead of in the moment, he would never forgive himself.

“Yes?” Jin responded.

“I’m sure that I have plenty of misplaced guilt and self-deprecating thoughts of yours to deal with, but we’re leaving those for later. Let’s go get something to eat.” Arashiyama smiled as he said it, even with the fear and the resignation and the love pooling in his eyes. Jin remembered all the times he had idly thought _I want to spend the rest of my life with him_ while staring at Arashiyama, and he reflected bitterly;  _be careful what you wish for_. He had some grievances to air with his past self, once he had some time alone. Perhaps some shouting into a pillow, or angry letters addressed to past Jin would aid the twisting dread building in his bones.

“I’ll pay. I feel like I owe you, after that.” The attempt at humour was weak, but Arashiyama laughed anyway.


End file.
